‘They can’t know about the baby’: Bride Requests Bridesmaids Lie to Her Unsupportive Family on Wedding Day to Avoid Getting Disowned

Author image for Sienna Varady
Sienna Varady
Feb 15, 2024 8:00 AM EST

The majority of the time, weddings are stressful events. On the one hand, they represent the coming together of two people in the holy bond of matrimony. However, they also signify the moment when secrets begin to come to light. Are the people you spend your time with genuinely interested in being your friends, or are they just your buddies for personal benefit? Put otherwise, is your friendship one that can withstand the most trying circumstances or is it merely one of convenience?

The woman in the story below discovered that her friendship, which had lasted for nearly a decade, had always been a matter of convenience. The original poster (OP) tells the story of how a childhood friend invited her to take part in her bridal party. To set the scene, OP had a close friendship with Stef when they were kids. Following high school, they lost touch, but then reconnected when Stef asked OP to be a bridesmaid.

However, since Stef and her fiancé Tim didn't have a great relationship, OP was hesitant to accept the invitation. A few months later, after caving in to her friends' insistence and entering the bridal party, OP finds that nothing is as it seems. The entire event depends on fabrications and deceptions, some of which are tough for OP to accept and go along with. The lies ranged from basic ones about how long the couple had been together to deceptive ones about their children, and so on.

So, having said that, check out the story below to find out more about what happened at the wedding, including whether or not OP agreed to participate in all of the lies and deceit! When you're finished, don't forget to read about the woman who, after learning of her sister-in-law's pregnancy at her wedding, refused to help in raising her child!

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  • 01
    the whole time, she was just really good at guilting people with her situation to get them to do whatever she wanted. This whole thing still affects me to this day and I had to be in therapy for MONTHS after and weddings trigger me now. I have since learnt that having hard boundaries in times like that
    via Canva
  • 02
    A lying, liar who lies (Bridezilla edition)
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 03
    I (30F) was in a wedding for two high school friends (M & F 30) last year. In high school (lets call her Stef and him Tim). Stef had really strict parents and Tim had a kid from another relationship. Stef hid her relationship for her parents and would have me cover for her when she was with him.
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 04
    We lost contact during college and talked a bit afterwards. The only times I would see Stef at this point was when something would happen in her relationship or with her strict parents. In 2022, after the lockdowns lifted, I was deprived of socializing and was
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 05
    invited to hang with her and some high school friends I hadn't seen in a while. After this I got invited again to another gathering and at this one I get asked to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. I did not say yes at first because I knew how much of a commitment that was. She
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 06
    was upfront about the costs of who is paying for what she covered the dress and a hotel to stay in on the day and I would pay for hair, make up and whatever else. Stef assured me it wouldn't be a lot of work or a huge time commitment and that the wedding was
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 07
    gonna be small. It was not supposed to be an expensive ordeal on us, either. Her parents were also not coming because they did not approve of this union because of the guys cultural background and his kid situation. I felt bad for her and eventually I said yes.
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 08
    Closer to the day of the wedding we were all excited. The bridesmaids got along and we had fun helping with the events. I helped plan the bachelorette party, and we all had a good time. We all liked our dresses, although the alterations (which I paid for) were quite
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 09
    expensive. Other than that it was all fine and I was actually quite involved at this point with helping and being a supportive friend. A few days before the wedding, it gets cancelled out of nowhere - apparently the her parents wanted to be involved now but ONLY if they cancel this wedding and throw
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 10
    another one for her. The mayhem this caused was insane. People lost money, the florist cut 3k worth of flowers in which Stef wanted a refund and was told no, hotels were paid, and people were flying in for this. His family, who helped her plan the original wedding,
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 11
    were P ED. There were plans to go to Tim's family's home country for a separate reception thrown and paid for already by his extended family. And that's when s t started getting really weird (looking back I should have backed out here). Stef started telling people that the wedding was called off
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 12
    because Tim's mom, who had been helping her organize everything, had с d and it was her fault they cancelled the wedding. She NEVER had c d, and Idk if til this day she knows that she was blamed for this but I do know this whole ordeal was really hard on her. It
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 13
    gets worse. Stef, Tim, and Tim's family go to this other country and the reception happens cause Stef told everyone to lie to their family that they were actually married (they were not). Stef gets into a massive fight with Tim's sister after she expressed that she wasn't comfortable to lie to their family
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 14
    and this is wrong - Stef thought she was overreacting. It started becoming a pattern with Stef that she started using the situation to get people to do things they aren't comfortable to do. 2023 starts and I had very few details about what was going on, but chose to
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 15
    stay in it cause I thought I just needed to show up at this point cause we already did everything. When I find out the details - this wedding is the complete opposite of what I was originally told. Bigger with 200 people, in a hall, we now had to pay to hire a rental car, and the cost of hair and
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 16
    make up were more now (I eventually volunteered to do my own MU because Stef overbooked too many people for one MUA). At the time I was also working on a project at work and going through some health issues (well keep what they were vague, but stress makes
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 17
    it worse). I told her about this hoping she'd start relying more on other bridesmaids or the MOH for help and seemed understanding. She then sends this crazy long email with what we are doing the day of. The bridesmaids are set to do EVERYTHING (i.e entertainment stations for guests, the
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 18
    receiving line, showing people to their seats etc.) and the groomsmen get to relax at the bar. When I asked her she basically said "because we are the women of the bridal party, we have to throw the wedding. Men are useless so I did not give them anything to do." She
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 19
    also tried to get me to pay for the bridal parties transportation for the day of because Stef only booked an expensive car for her and Tim, and the bridal party were not thought about - I said no because I couldn't take anymore on and she should be paying for this. She also told us she expected a specific amount
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 20
    in our wedding gift envelopes because they apparently could not afford this bigger wedding. Lastly, we were told of a list of lies that we have to uphold to HER family: 1/ The couple was together for 3 years and not 15 cause her parents don't know when or how they met. 2/ His son is BROTHER or COUSIN
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 21
    cause her extended family did not know he had a kid. 3/ His sister who has a kid with her bf is married cause out of wedlock is frowned upon by these people (they are not married). 4/ There was some issue about Tim's mom having a bf and not a husband (she was
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 22
    a widow). Stef also kept on messaging me at work and it got to a point where she would get mad at me if I didn't see a message in a timely manner, and so many unnecessary group chats. (Again, she had other bridesmaids and a MOH to help her, too, but put a lot of her
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 23
    stress on me and one other bridesmaid). All this unnecessary pressure and stress from Stef made my health issues worse and I ended up having a health crisis that was a super tr_matic experience. People in my life at this point were telling me to back out of this wedding.
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 24
    And I tried. I told the couple I couldn't do this and had to put my health first. Both of them teamed up on me and said all these thing that - in my vulnerable state - believed. "We are worried about you, we care about you, and we wanna make sure you're okay
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 25
    now and after the wedding. After the wedding we wanna check in with you. We want you there with us to make sure you're okay. But we need you there, you're the most important one cause you got us together." Feeling that pressure and guilt I stayed in it. And when they were trying to convince me,
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 26
    they made the MUA thing seem like this was an "accommodation" because I now didn't have to be at her house at 6am and could be there at 9am. Stef then tells me she is gonna lie and tell people I "slept in" on her wedding day, making me look like an unreliable a ole when
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 27
    I'm going through a tough time already. I told her to stop with the lying, and I still to this day do not know what she told people. On the day of I wished to be anywhere else but there. Because I had this sinking feeling all day that I had been lied to as well. That they only cared about this wedding and not my
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 28
    health cause if they did they would have respected my initial decision to not be there and let me rest. I had to pretend I was okay the whole day. And after the wedding I really saw their true colors.... She messaged me after the wedding cause I had given them my card with money in it and I guess she realized
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 29
    there wasn't enough because she was asking me for more money. I gave what I could on top of the expenses I paid to be in these weddings. That was it. They never contacted me to check in with my health - it was radio silence. I ended up blocking them both on everything. And looking back the red flags were there
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 30
    the whole time, she was just really good at guilting people with her situation to get them to do whatever she wanted. This whole thing still affects me to this day and I had to be in therapy for MONTHS after and weddings trigger me now. I have since learnt that having hard boundaries in times like that
    via u/Ok_Application4857
  • 31
    where I needed to be there for me is okay. And if they got mad then that was their problem and not mine. I also learnt I never wanna have friends like that again and am super picky about my circles now. I guess weddings show you who you're real friends are after all.
    via u/Ok_Application4857

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